Queen of Procratination

So, in my inactivity, I've gained more than the 4 pounds that I had originally lost based on my last post.  I've gained 10. 

You can imagine the level of disappointment I'm feeling in myself, pulling out my clothes from last summer.  Dresses that used to fit me perfectly last year, are now tight, showing the curvature of my stomach, butt, and thighs.  My jean capris cut me in my midsection and give me a backache.
I haven't even dared to try on any of my shorts.  I feel horrible.

Yet, I sit on my arse binge-watching my favorite Netflix episodes, scanning Facebook, and currently writing this blog post while my treadmill sits idle in the basement.  I have no excuse.

Part of my lack of motivation is the fact that I really didn't lose anything during the 5 months that I had been running.  And I like food.   Especially that fruit pie I made this afternoon that's sitting in the fridge, and I've been constantly thinking about since I finished supper.

I'm my own worse enemy, my worst critic, and the biggest reason for my own failures.  Any excuse I can think of is used without hesitation.

For example, I have to have cataract surgery on both of my eyes in the next few weeks, and for the past couple of weeks I couldn't wear my contacts, so I used the excuse that once I could wear them again I'll start back running.  It's been a week now.  Any excuse is a good excuse.

Yesterday was a beautiful day. It began with rain but ended with clear skies and warm sunshine.  My husband and I took off for a car ride around the Valley where we live.  We took roads that I used to ride peddle bike on about 5 years ago when we were big on bike riding.  It wasn't uncommon for any of my bike rides to be about 34 miles.  

I hated riding up hills, one especially that was lovingly dubbed the Hill from Hell, but as we're driving along those roads, I paid attention to the inclines that I used to ride.  I couldn't help thinking about what I was able to do just a short time ago and be impressed with myself, or at what I used to do.  

I could do that again.

I read not too long ago that we shouldn't say things to ourselves that we wouldn't say to another person. 

Break?

So, I haven't posted in a while mainly because I haven't been running.  I chose to keep this blog so I could keep myself accountable and keep a journal of my progress.  I blew any form of accountability I had.  From my guidance counselor-coach at work, to my Facebook friends, my Strava friends, you, and especially myself.  I've lost any motivation, gained all 4 pounds back, and lost my self confidence.  Before I could see myself going outside in the dark for my early-morning run, now I can't imagine it. I can barely even picture myself running on the dreadmill.

I've got to get back on track.   But I need a swift kick in the arse.  As you probably can imagine, I'm really not happy with myself.

No Motivation

Well, this weekend was a bust.  In my defense, I was overwhelmed with school work that I needed to do for tomorrow.  I haven't done all of that either.   Also, I had all of my outdoor and indoor running gear drying downstairs, so I didn't have anything to wear.     

The morning is the best time for me to do work.  By afternoon I get sluggish, and if it's the weekend, a nap is sure to come.  And today I enjoyed a nice long nap.

I say this every time I feel I need a nap and can't nap.

It's amazing when I think back to when I was little, I probably never wanted to take a nap.  Now?  I crave it.









I'm hoping that I can start strong this week and keep the momentum going.   How has everyone's weekend been?

Got one in!!

I didn't go for my run this morning, however, I did get a mile in today after school.  My husband and I had plans to get together with friends at 5 for supper, so when I got out of school, I hit the treadmill, then jumped in the shower and was ready to go.



I'm not sure why this happens, but whenever I do a few runs on the treadmill, I end up with pain on my shins.  Sometimes one leg more than another, and sometimes both. Today, it's the left leg.  It's not even in the front and central part of the leg, but just off to the right side.  I don't seem to get this when I run outside, so I don't understand why this happens.  Anyone out there have any ideas?  Suggestions would be welcomed.

I don't feel like a failure!

So this morning I woke up to my "run" alarm and went for my run outside.  It felt great!  Well, sort of.  

I chose to run on my road rather than the main road, and as I was driving to work (on the main road) this morning, I realized the run would probably have been easier.  My road was snow covered in places where people clean their driveways by pushing snow across the road, whereas the main road was mostly tar.  Something to keep in mind for tomorrow morning.

For some reason I get a queasy stomach before I go for a run, even when it's at 5 AM. In the dark.  Alone.  Maybe that's why.

Well, for running outside for the first time in over 2 weeks, it was a good run.  The wind is always strongest when I pass the fields because they're on a hill and the wind just rushes down toward the road.  But once I get to trees and flatter land it's not so bad.  It's usually windy at the start of my run when I'm on my road, but rarely windy on my way back.  Which is really nice.

So here's my Strava run report for this morning.  It was 25ºF, which was a nice temperature with 2 layers, my warm compression pants, and a Turtle Fur headband. 

If I run tomorrow morning on the main road, it will be a longer run, and probably even a faster run, too.  The  only thing is that at the start of my run on the main road, it's a slight decline, so that means it's a slight incline all the way back.  Oh well, I'll live.  

Fail and Excuses

Ok, so not a fail, but I certainly feel like I did because I didn't run this morning.  

I don't have a good excuse, I guess.  I did get woken up pretty early this morning, and it was easy to use that as an excuse to not run, but to try to get more sleep instead.

Well, tomorrow is another day.  I did do a lot of running around today, so my steps were pretty average.  But I'd rather have my steps at a higher level.  I like beginning my day with almost 5,000 steps.

Great Start to the Day!

When my alarm went off this morning I woke up to the realization that I just had the best night's sleep in a long time.  I can't remember the last time I slept through the night without waking up at least once!

So, without hesitation, I got up and did my usual morning, pre-run routine. I put on my contacts, got dressed in my workout clothes, and fed Charlie, trying to hydrate as I go, and gathered my gear (Kindle Fire, Bluetooth speaker, and phone) and headed down to the dreadmill.  It wasn't so bad this morning. I could have gone outside, but -2° with a real feel temperature of -24° is a bit too much.  Fortunately, it's supposed to warm up tomorrow, but later on during the day, so it looks like Thursday will be my day to head outdoors in the balmy 20ºF.

I suspected for a while that something wasn't quite right with my running data when I'm on the treadmill, and this morning confirmed it.  When I run on the treadmill I don't use the Strava app because it won't track anything in the basement.   So, I use my Jawbone UP tracker instead.  This works great, but the problem is it doesn't measure my stride well.

For example, when running outside, I usually have an 11 min and some change/mile pace, but when I was running on the treadmill at a pace that was faster it measured my pace at 13.1/mile.  I was doing some speed intervals.  I would set my speed at 5 and raise it to 6 for a spell, then put it back to 5.  

When I reflected on it later during the day, I remembered that when I was at 6 for my speed my legs weren't going faster, but my stride was longer.  That meant that my tracker was measuring how many steps I took, not how long my stride was.  So, next time I'll use the data from the treadmill instead.  Lesson learned.

No Monday Run

Not me

I've decided that I will NOT expect to go for a morning run on Mondays.  For some reason, Sunday nights are restless nights for me.  I don't sleep.  And as a teacher, and having to be at
 the top of my game all day long, sleep comes before running.

My cat Charlie.

It makes a few Mondays that I deal with restlessness, except for the Monday on Christmas Break. They say that when you're perimenopausal you'll deal with restless nights.  They weren't kidding!  I also can't seem to turn off my brain or ignore certain noises (husband breathing & cat grooming himself).

I also believe that the added concern of getting up early to get in a run may be causing me to be restless, too.  

So, at 3:30 this morning, as I lay wide awake wishing that I could fall back asleep for at least another hour, I made the decision that I will lower my expectations when it comes to Monday runs.  If I have a full night's sleep and I wake up early enough, then I'll go, otherwise, nope.

I wanted exercise to help relieve stress, not add to it.  

Getting Out of My Comfort Zone

Well, I've been thinking a lot since this morning's post about the struggles I've had to lose weight.  Like I've mentioned on my first post, I've tried to be consistent about running in the morning since August.  

The thing is, I haven't lost more than 4 pounds and have been trying to watch what I eat, staying away from crappy food and eating healthier, but nothing has changed.  

I've been thinking all day about what I could should do differently.  And I think something has finally clicked with me.  When I try to run I try to stay where I'm comfortable.  But when that happens, I'm not pushing myself enough.  According to the Women's Running article, dated December 22, 2015, called "Running for Weight Loss,"  

"The pace or effort at which you work will determine what you are using as a fuel source and therefore ‘burning’. The lower the intensity you aerobically work at, the easier the effort feels; this means you are predominantly using stored fats as your fuel source for this activity and therefore fat is being burned. The harder you begin to work, the more you begin to use glycogen as a fuel source, meaning you are burning more calories."

I'm not pushing myself outside of my comfort zone enough, so I'm not digging deeper into my fat stores.  At least, that's how I'm imagining it.

So, my plan for tomorrow is to get up and go for my early morning run and try to push myself by adding some speed intervals.  Like for example, run normally from one phone pole to the other, then speed up until the next phone pole, and so on.  Don't know how much I'll be able to do, but I can, at least, push myself.  I want to get back to this...

Dreadmill vs. Snow-covered Road

This morning I looked out the window at the gently falling snowflakes and wondered if I should run outside or on the treadmill.  I chose the treadmill.

It was about 25ºF outside and beautiful.  The snow was falling gently down and I thought how wonderful it would be to run out there.  Then I looked at the snow-covered road and remembered my run on Friday and how I didn't like how my feet kept sliding backwards with every step I took.  

I then considered the dreadmill downstairs, in the dungeon basement, and how dusty and hot it gets when I run down there.  I've got a box fan that I always turn on high and it blows cool air on me, which makes my run more tolerable, and I usually bring down my Kindle Fire and a Bluetooth speaker and watch TV shows or movies on it which keep me distracted.

I enjoy running outside, especially without music.  I prefer listening to the sounds around me instead, and at certain times, it has been important that I did.  I love hearing the water trickling down the field during the spring melt, birds chirping, and especially the sound of some critter sneaking around in the brush at 5 A.M., in the dark, on the side of the road, which ended up being a skunk.  Had I not seen Pepé Le Pew first, I would have had to have a sub that day.  And every teacher knows that it's more work to prepare for a sub than to just go in.

So, why did I choose the dreadmill?  I guess it's because I didn't want to struggle with my footing, especially when the snow on the side of the road camouflages the shoulder, seeing how there are no sidewalks on my road, and I'd hate to twist my ankle.  That would not be good.  So I hooked up my Kindle Fire and Bluetooth speaker, turned on the fan, set the timer on my iPhone to 30 minutes, and did my run while finishing CBS's Sunday Morning show.

Because I wasn't running outside, my Strava app would be useless.  I have a Jawbone UP tracker that I wear all the time, even when I sleep, so I set it to track my activity and let it track my run.

I then plug in my time and pace manually on the Strava app just to keep track.

Now when you look at my pace (shown by the bars) you can see that I slowed down at one point in the middle.  That's called walking while I blow my nose, otherwise, I kept my treadmill pace between 4.5 and 5.

So, it was a good run, and I'm glad I did it.  I'm always happy that I did my run or any workout, it's getting into it that's the challenge.

No run today.

I've sadly had less than 6 hours of sleep last night, and I don't deal well with that. Let's just say I'm thankful it's the weekend, but it doesn't make the loss of sleep any easier to deal with. 

I could look at today as a failure, and I probably should.  But instead, I'll look at it as a day to relax and reflect on what I have planned for my students this coming week.  I also realized during the night, as I lay wide awake trying to fall back asleep that I didn't say what I ran yesterday, so I'll get to that today.

What I don't like about running when I'm off is I wake up hungry, whereas when I get up at 4:45 A.M. I don't feel hungry yet.  So when I get up later in the morning, I eat.  That means I have to wait at least an hour to go for a run, so around 9:30 yesterday morning I was on my road running in the crusty snow, my feet sliding a few inches backward with every step.  The temperature was about 20ºF and warm.  It was almost too warm for my run back.

Now I say run.  I have to work on my thoughts when I run.  I'm constantly struggling to think of things other than how hard the run might be.  This means that I end up going from running to stopping and walking, a lot.  Even though I try to think of other things, when I get my head thinking of stopping, I can't push past that.  I've done lots of reading about mind over matter, and I'm considering seeing a hypnotist.

So, yesterday I ran my worst time since I've been keeping track.  Below are my last two runs.  Note that it was 2 weeks since I last ran, and I considered 11:31/mi on the slow side for me.  I know that many would consider this extremely slow period.  But my best time since August has been 10:41/mi.

When I reflect on how my run went, it wasn't my best, but then I have to remind myself that I also did laps around anyone who wasn't running or walking, or doing anything physical.  Like me.  Today.  My plan for tomorrow is to go for a run and make it a good one, too.

Day 1 - New Years Day

So, I've done what pretty much everyone else in the world on the first day of the year does.  I've created a New Year's resolution. I know it's cliché, but I did it anyhow.

I felt that today was just as good as any other day to start over again.  

I've actually been running since August before school started back, but the past two weeks I've been lazy and unmotivated. I've tried to analyze why.  Before my lack of motivation, I've been getting up on most days around 4:45 A.M. and hitting the road with my reflective vest and headlamp before getting ready for work.  But then we went through a period of single digit temperatures and snow.  That wasn't too bad.  I've got the gear and the shoes to run comfortably.  We even have a treadmill in the basement that I could use.  Struggling to get a good night's sleep is more of an issue for me.

I'm a light sleeper who's been dealing with hot flashes in the middle of the night.  Once I'm awake and cooled down, I get stressed out about getting back to sleep.  Every little sound keeps me from relaxing and dozing off.  So come morning when I plan to get up, I choose to stay in bed for the extra 45 minutes of sleep instead.

I have a support system.  My husband encourages me to keep running, our school's guidance counselor (an avid runner since his 20s) has declared himself my unofficial trainer, and my sister-in-law, her husband, my niece and I follow each other on  the Strava app.

I've also tried to use new running gear as motivation, too.  I've got a couple of pairs of insulated compression pants,

several wicking running tops with the thumb hole (whatever it's called), and the Turtlefur tubes to wear as headbands and/or neckwarmers.  There are times that they're not enough to get me going.

I've also read books about people running, trying to get motivation from them.  I've included a list of some of the books I've read off to the side.

Aside from the sleep issues, my biggest problem to stay motivated is that I haven't seen any progress in my weight loss.  I've only lost 4 pounds since August, and since I've been inactive for a couple of weeks, let's just say that those pounds have come back.  

So why am I writing this blog?  Basically to keep me accountable and for the motivation.  I would LOVE to hear from people, to hear of their struggles and triumphs.  Maybe we can motivate each other.